NUMAIR'S MAGIC COOKIES
by See Sell
Summary: Numair bakes some magic cookies that wreck havoc on our poor heroes before vanishing without a trace! Who stole the cookie jar?? Minor D/N and K/D
1. In which Numair finds the recipe

AN: HELLO, Charli here. This is being written as a challenge from A Girl Called Candice. Some bits are her idea, I don't own  
  
them. Nor do I own anything you recognise. However, I do own the Magic Cookies, which you'll get if you review ^_^ Just not  
  
the strawberry ones (I like strawberry)   
  
  
  
  
  
Summary: Numair bakes some magic cookies, that malfunction and wreck havoc on our poor heroes. Then they VANISH!! Who stole   
  
the cookies from the cookie jar?? K/D fluff (well, it's suppossed to be) ^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 1: The recipe  
  
  
  
  
  
Numair was bored. Although there was the Scanran war he had nothing to do. Therefore, he was looking through old library   
  
spell books trying to find something inter..  
  
  
  
  
  
What was this? A magic cook book. Looks intruiging. He flipped to the index. He was...unnerved by what he found  
  
  
  
page 113treats that make you INVISIBLE!!  
  
page 115cakes that make you BREATHE FIRE UNTIL SOMEONE (insane) REVERSES THE SPELL  
  
page 117Cookies that send you places  
  
page 118Delicious DEADLY POISON  
  
page 121pancakes KABOOM!!!!!!!  
  
page 123 cheap APHRODISIAC  
  
  
  
  
  
That looked scary, maybe he should tell King Jonathan. Although...it couldn't hurt...not just one little...the cookies one  
  
didn't look too bad.... It wasn't even in block capitals NO, experiment first, tell King later. Maybe he could even give one  
  
to Daine...  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
  
  
Calling Keladry of Mindelan bored was an understatment if there ever was one. The war was going on still so most of her friends   
  
were away on business (business??). Though _she_ was stack here, and she had NOTHING TO DO!!! It was her punishment for crossing  
  
the Vassa: running New Hope refugee camp until she was needed. Even though, she wasn't exactly needed here. Neal, Seaver, Dom  
  
all gone. It was sickening.  
  
  
  
  
  
She sighed and went back to glaive practice.   
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
By now Numair was really fed up. NOT only was his black robe completly covered in flour, soot & baking powder (which reacted   
  
chemicly with the water on there), the cookie recipe was almost as difficult as some spells that were the tests for the black   
  
robe. Hardly anything simple, not much any sane person would want in a cookie mixture. Blood from a stormwing's feather, was  
  
the most arcane (although, rest assurred, there was some flour, butter & sugar aswell). Infact, the only thing he didn't have  
  
were the griffin feathers. Hmm, Keladry of Mindelan had griffin feathers...Though she was out at New Hope, probably bored out  
  
of her skull.   
  
  
  
  
  
He hit himself on the head. Kel would NOT appreciate being dragged down here just to contribute to a cookie mixture. Maybe   
  
someone else had griffin feathers...or maybe he could as Daine to fly over there and ask for some griffin feathers. Or maybe   
  
(better yet) he could fly over there himself, with the cookie mixture. They could even test them at New Hope...  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
"Let me get this straight. You want to fly to New Hope and ask one of my best knights about COOKERY!!" No, King Jonathan was  
  
not impressed. Though perhaps he would be if Numair had umm _remembered_ to tell Jon that the cookies were magical. Daine  
  
looked like she was trying-very-hard-but-failing-miserably not to laugh. Thayet looked amused and Gary looked like he was  
  
swallowing a watermellon whole (I don't know how this would look, or why Gary's looking like it. I thought it would be   
  
interesting). Altogether, the outlook of him being able to ask Kel for the feathers looked well umm, quite bleak.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Come on Jon, she's been cooped up there since Midwinter. Girl deserves a break." That was Gary, who now appeared to have   
  
swallowed his watermelon & was gasping for breath.   
  
  
  
"And that has what to do with cookery?"  
  
  
  
"Think about it. When Numair gets his cookery tips for our Lady Knight, he gives her a message, telling her to come here to  
  
get summons."   
  
  
  
"I like it" Numair added quickly. If you want cookies, it's normally good to agree with the prime minister.  
  
  
  
"You SHUT UP!" Jon was still not impressed.  
  
  
  
From the back of the hall, newlyweds Raoul and Buri of Goldenlake & Malories Peak sighed. God it was going to be a LOOOONG day  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
AN: WOOHHHHOOOOO!!! First chappie DONE! Any way, loved it, hated it. Tell me so. No objections to flames. Now, that little   
  
blue button is calling you...it is saying press me or insane Charli gets me (and that is an absolutly awful fate for those  
  
who were wondering ^_~). Anything I got wrong, tell me. Critisism much needed (and appreciated). Oh yeah, and I want ONE  
  
review. Last time I got none. come on, you can do (much) better than that!! ^_^ 


	2. In which Kel and Dom come to Corus

First of all I would like to thank everyone who reviewed ^_^ Now you all get a magic cookie *sends out cookies*   
  
  
  
Disclaimer: As much as I would like to own Alex, I don't or any of the others. They all belong to Tamora Pierce so don't sue.  
  
Please... I promise I'll be very very very good. And if I'm very very very very *deep breath* very very very very very good  
  
will you give me Alex. No...thought not  
  
  
  
Warnings: K/D D/N very OOC Numair (don't worry I still love him *glomps Numair plushie* YAY)  
  
  
  
Chapter 2: In which Kel and Dom come to Corus  
  
  
  
  
  
After a lengthly and fairly random debate, Numair had finally been allowed to do as he wished regarding his cookie   
  
mixture and Kel. This was largely due to the fact of everyone laughing so hard they could not breathe-it was beginning to   
  
cause a severe health risk. So now he was flying to New Hope in a hawk form. To ask Kel for griffin feathers. Hopefully they  
  
had some spare clothes at New Hope. If they didn't...(I don't think I really need to go into this)   
  
  
  
  
  
He also had summons for Kel from the King. He had no idea what about but...it looked important. All shiny and sealed  
  
up. He neither had any idea how to get the griffin feathers back to the palace. And of course there was no guarantee Kel   
  
would give them to him-and if she did there would be questions asked.But I really want those cookies Numair thought. And   
  
they would amke travelling so much easier-I could sleep with Daine while the king thinks I'm in carthak & she's in scanra. Now  
  
there's a thought.  
  
  
  
  
  
These slightly lemony fantasies succeeded in thoroughly occupying him thoughout the journey to New Hope. Unfortunatly   
  
there were some problems with transforming back...  
  
  
  
  
  
Damn where's the store cupboard. I better find it soon...How longer can I hold this form...I need some clothes god   
  
damnit...This it Aha!! Unfortunatly he failed to notice a certain Lady Knight whose arms were rapped tightly around a very   
  
hot mad in the uniform of the King's Own. Yes my friends, Numair had just walked-well flown in on our friends Domitan of   
  
Masbolle and Keladry of Mindelan. To make things worse he was already transformed into human shape.   
  
  
  
  
  
I will not tell you what happened next as it would severly embarrass Numair, Kel and Dom. It was incredibly   
  
embarassing, but we shall lessen their humiliation by not telling you what happened, and leave it up to your own imaginations.  
  
Plus this is rated PG  
  
  
  
  
  
Several minutes later they were all in the mess hall at New Hope. Numair was clothed (thankfully) and Kel & Dom looked  
  
a lot less hastled than they did in the storage cupboard. Numair had given Kel her summons and was (frankly) plucking up the  
  
courage to ask Kel if he could borrow some griffin feathers. (Well think about it, if you just walked in naked on your two  
  
friends making out you would be embarassed. Well I would be!)   
  
  
  
  
  
"Um Kel," he started rather shakily, "Can I borrow some griffin feathers? I need them to make cookies," he blurted out. Kel  
  
and Dom stared at him as though he had grown another leg, three extra feet, and ten extra heads.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Excuse me...I don't think I heard right,"  
  
  
  
  
  
"You heard right." Oh great now I'm going to have to tell her everything He took a deep breath...  
  
  
  
"Well I found this book in the libraary full of magic recipes and the best-well least dangerous one-was one about these cookies  
  
that make you go places...you know and like travel sort of. But I need some griffin feathers for the cookies. And I don't have  
  
any and I can't just go and ask the king...I mean it's not like he knows, Oops" Damn why did I tell them that  
  
  
  
  
  
"Why didn't you tell the king about your *cough* experiment"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Shut up Dom, you really think that King Jonathan, unoriginal idiot that he is, is going to let Numair try something new, and  
  
quite possibly dangerous, speaking of which Numair what is it these cookies do?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ummm, I don't exactly know, that's why it's an experiment. So are you gonna help me or not?  
  
  
  
  
  
"It certainly sounds interesting, what d'you think Lady Kel?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Said lady glowered at her lover, before smiling, "Yeah it might be interesting, but what if they like, go wrong and the King   
  
finds out?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"Then we beg foor forgiveness, and if that fails, plead insanity." This comment resulted in our beloved sergeant getting punched  
  
in the nose by Kel.   
  
  
  
  
  
`*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
They were in Corus now: Numair, Kel and Dom. (Dom was on leave from the own so he could go). They were in the palace and chatting  
  
to some old friends (Neal, Merric, Newly knighted Owen and Seaver). Numair had snuck off with Daine somewhere and was no-where  
  
to be found. (Well he would be, but they all had a pretty good idea of where they would be and left him to it).   
  
  
  
  
  
They were all happy to be back at Corus. So happy that all of them decided to spend the night getting outrageously drunk. By the  
  
way, Dom is not very good at keeping secrets when alcohal is flowing pretty much non stop down his throat. So pretty soon, this   
  
happened.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Yeah I'm here 'cause my beeeeautiful lady knight is here an' 'cause we're gonna help Numair bake some magi' cookies dat da   
  
King'd prob'ly go mad if 'e even knew we were trying it."  
  
  
  
  
  
Neal, who was not having quite so much to drink as the others, (based on the fact that "If I get drunk,who's going to give you  
  
all your hangover cures in the morning?") was the only one who really heard (the others were way too drunk).  
  
  
  
  
  
"YOU WHAT!!" he screamed at his cousin. Even those who had fallen off the table they were so drunk heard that. Neal hoped this  
  
was one of his cousin's drunken stories, (he remembered when he was 4 and the cousins had been together). However, he didn't  
  
think this was...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
WOOT!!! ^_^ go me. A nice little cliffie for you all. Now Neal knows. Will he tell the King, will he tell his friends or wil he...  
  
yeah I know sad place to end a chapter but Mum is yelling at me to get upstairs!! please reveiw (pretty please) ^_^ 


	3. In which Neal is called poor countless t...

HI First of all, response to reviewers, and the sacred sending out of the magic cookies  
  
  
  
Casina Joy: Yes Daine will certainly join in next time *giggles evilly*   
  
  
  
Paladin Dragoon: Wait until the cookies are made until you say how useful they're going to be...  
  
  
  
A Little Loopy: You OK...you said you fell of a chair. I do that a lot...it hurts :(  
  
  
  
Vamperfly: thank-you for liking this fic & reviewing (I fell so loved and motivated). And yes..rating will go up probs & THERE  
  
WILL BE SOME (attempts) FOR FLUFF. (Promise)  
  
  
  
CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88: I agree the world needs more laughter...and more D/N wouldn't hurt at all ^_^  
  
  
  
Gogglepuss: THANK YOU!! Reviews get me motivated & typing faster, support means a lot  
  
  
  
Cherrio: I am so glad you like this fic...believe me the stories hardly started...  
  
  
  
Numie fan: WOOT!! Cheers 4 reviewing. I am updating...as quick as I can...but I'm quite a slow typer soz  
  
  
  
Winged Seraphin: I agree; if you have to agree with the prime minister to get cookies, agree with the prime minister. Yep, I agree they're  
  
VERY OOC but as I don't actually own any of the books I can't refer to any of them. And also I like them OOC ^_^ ...atleast a  
  
little OOC. As to the other point, I don't really like word; it takes too long to load. However, I did copy & paste this into word & modify   
  
it on that. I had no idea I did so many typos...  
  
  
  
~*fantasy*queen*~: Hmmm, good point. Come to think of it, I don't think Jon would tell Numair to shut up. But given the circumstances, who  
  
could ever blame him? Not me ^_^  
  
  
  
Firedragon12: WOOT!! I'm updating. for once in my life I'm actually updating ^_^   
  
  
  
lilsweetcherryblossom: Hopefully-if my evil writers block fails to consume me-this will continue to get even more interesting. Glad you like  
  
it ^_^  
  
Now here are your cookies *sends out cookies*   
  
  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it...I never will own it...Don't sue  
  
  
  
Chapter 3: In which Neal is called poor uncountable times  
  
  
  
  
  
Poor Neal...He had no idea what to do. He didn't know if Dom was letting loose some wild secret, or just making it up. But that  
  
was all long-term stuff. Now he had to find an excuse for why Sir Nealan of Queenscove had just screamed an entire bar into silence  
  
And the uncomfortable position when everyone is staring at you and you want the floor to just swallow you up (all been there... all  
  
done that). After blinking rapidly, he took a swig of his ale, and blurted out a very forced sounding laugh. fortunately everyone  
  
was too drunk to notice the force-ness. The tension broke. Neal grinned. He'd find out-whether he wanted to or not-in the morning.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
  
Morning came. And everyone was forming a massive line outside his room for his famous hangover cure. Infact, that's what woke him.   
  
Neal...this was not going to be a good day.   
  
  
  
  
  
After taking a few minutes to get dressed and have a shower (leaving the poor hungover outsiders oblivious to the fact he was  
  
awake), he opened the door a crack. 'God damnit, there are even more than they were last time,' he thought. 'I need to make   
  
some more cure.'  
  
  
  
  
  
So now Neal was making some more hangover cure (and the people outside STILL had no idea he was awake. Yes I know he opened  
  
the door, but if you were that hungover, would you actually notice). Poor poor Neal. .  
  
  
  
  
  
Yuki (lucky Yuki) woke up when he was making his 3rd batch. She looped her arms around his waist and kissed his ear. For once   
  
Neal is not being called poor. Neal smiled. Those drunkards outside could wait...he let her push him onto the bed...  
  
  
  
  
  
(Now despite the rating being upped to pg-13, the scene that enfolds here would be ATLEAST NC-17, so I won't write it. I'll just leave  
  
it up to you to imagine it ^_^ )  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Now just because no one had noticed Neal did not mean he hadn't been missed. Even Dom in his extreme hungover-ness couldn't   
  
help but wonder just WHERE his cousin was. 'Probably doing something nice with Yuki, leaving all us poor drunkards to suffer.'  
  
He was torn when he heard the unmistakable sound of pleasure coming from the bedroom...  
  
  
  
  
  
A slightly less hungover Merric had his ear to the door, a bemused/amused expression on his face. He frowned, his head hurt, he wanted  
  
to sleep, he was hungry, he was thirsty, and all Neal was doing was making out with his girlfriend. Needless to say Neal was not in  
  
Merric's-or anyone's-good books. Poor Neal.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
By now Neal was feeling slightly hysterical. Yes normally he would have given anything to be sleeping late with Yuki sprawled  
  
on top of him in some ungainly fashion. But when you're worrying about your best friend and your insane cousin being EXECUTED  
  
for treason against the crown (which they had a reputation for), you really get slightly worried. It was not like Neal to get  
  
worried, but the exception proves the rule so they say. (A/N: No, I don't understand it either but oh well). Poor Neal  
  
  
  
  
  
And then there were the hungover crowd still waiting after an hour for him to administer his dose of hangover cure. Which he   
  
really couldn't be bothered to make right now. Poor Neal was so badly confused.   
  
  
  
  
  
'What to do, what to do,' he thought, 'I could sneak off without waking Yuki, but then she'll think I stood her up. I could   
  
write her a note telling her, but how would I sneak off without all them alcoholics noticing.' Emerald eyes fell on the window...  
  
An idea was forming in Neal's mind. Had he thought about this carefully he would have found several errors with this plan. But  
  
he was DESPARATE!! Mithros have sympathy on poor Neal.  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Kel had (wisely) given up hope on ever receiving hangover treatment from Neal, and so had resorted to the more reliable-if-more   
  
expensive-healings of Numair Salmalín. Well, that was just an excuse. In truth she had to ask about the *_THING_* Dun dun DUN  
  
  
  
  
  
She entered his room. He was up and prating around with some potion Kel would very much like to have nothing to do with. Unfortunately  
  
Keladry of Mindelan had no such luck.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh hello Kel, Dom,"(who really couldn't care where he went he was so bloody hungover) Numair nodded to them in turn.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Hi. Umm, Numair...does Daine know what we're doing."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm, not exactly." Kel arched a slender eyebrow at this as Numair hurried on, "Well she doesn't have to really, I mean she's  
  
on a posting for the king, (at this point Kel's eyebrow was in danger of disappearing entirely under her hairline) but she knows  
  
I'm making cookies if that's..." he trailed of lamely.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm, Numair, I know you and Kel really want to get the plan, but I really need some hangover cure sharpish...Oh for Mithros'  
  
sake, give it to me." With that noble statement Dom went hunting (well ransacking would be around Numair's room for the almightly   
  
hangover cure.   
  
  
  
  
  
Kel briefly wondered whether the biggest mistake of her life had been agreeing to be this nutter's lover. She grinned wryly at   
  
Numair who ignored it and went to look for the cook book...  
  
  
  
After half an hour looking for the cook book it became doubtless in everyone's mind that.......  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
IT HAD VANISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Oooh, cliffie.What's with Numair's mysterious potion, will Dom and all the other poor hungover people EVER GET THEIR HANGOVER  
  
CURES, will Neal be poor forever. Find out in the next chapter of Numair's Magic Cookies. But most importantly WHO STOLE THE COOK  
  
BOOK!! I have writers block so you can all (if you want) vote on who stole the cookbook:  
  
Was it:  
  
1) Lord Wyldon  
  
  
  
2)Neal  
  
  
  
3) Yuki  
  
  
  
4) Daine  
  
  
  
5) Jon  
  
Please vote!!   
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
So there you go, chapter 3. I know it's not that good, but bear with me & I should hopefully improve. Please review, (and vote)  
  
and flames or any type of critisism are ofcourse welcome. Believe me I need it ^_^ I'm very very sorry this took so long to get  
  
up but since my sister installed the sims on this computer I've had to bloody well fight for it...and I ofcourse had writers block.  
  
-Charli-san ^_^ 


	4. In which we find out some very interesti...

Authors Notes: So here we are at the start of chapter 4, in which we discover some very interesting facts. I'm sorry that this is taking  
  
so long to update but I've been on holiday. Also I would like to point out that this author is English so spells weird. Also  
  
I'm a bit depressed because I'm going back to school in a week (sob). On a completely different train of thought I GOT LotR on  
  
DVD on Tuesday. I was going to wait for the extended version like I did last year but I got to impatient. Oh well it's brilliant  
  
and of course it's cheaper ^_^ So thank you everyone who reviewed/voted. You all get a magic cookie, and if you voted and reviewed or   
  
voted twice, you get 2 cookies *sends out cookies*. Dear dear, I'm running out... I'll have to make some more...*runs off to kitchen*  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Please don't sue. I don't own the Gandalf quote in this chapter too. It's just interesting.   
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter 4: In which we discover some very interesting facts  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
At about the same time that Dom was foraging frantically through Numair's room, His royal Majesty King Jonathan IV of Conté decided  
  
to visit his former training master who just happened to be visiting the palace. Lord Wyldon had several rooms allocated to him. And  
  
Jon, being king, had a copy of each of the keys. So when he knocked on the door and got no answer, he unlocked the door and went inside.  
  
(YES I know this is called breaking & entering, but as it's Jon's palace it doesn't really count).  
  
  
  
  
  
At first he noticed nothing amiss. But then he noticed a book left open on the bed. That was not like his awfully conventional lord, who   
  
had neatness perfected to an art . Mildly interested, he picked it up. What he saw was the most arcane cookie recipe ever written. Shock  
  
melted into curiosity, as he tore the page out, and made a mental note to test Wyldon's sanity before he left.   
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Things were not going so well for Kel and Numair. (Things were going a lot better for Dom as not only had he found Numair's hangover-  
  
cure he had proceeded to drink a good 75% of it. Numair being so preoccupied with the mater of the missing cookbook didn't notice)  
  
  
  
  
  
"Where the hell is it. I'm absolutely sure I haven't vanished it or made it invisible. Damnit, unless someone's taken it, I'm sure it  
  
can't disapp..." Then what he'd just said stopped him.   
  
  
  
Kel was quite thankful Numair had stopped yelling (she was pretty sure that Tyra and Carthak now had heard sufficient and this was   
  
not something she wanted thing she wanted to explain to the King). Though now she was more worried about what Numair had said...  
  
What if someone did have the cookie book (as it had become known). The problem was that as far as they knew, nobody knew they had  
  
it...  
  
  
  
  
  
But then something stirred in the back of Kel's memory, last night when Dom was drinking, had he-was it possible that he had told  
  
everyone about it. But only one person was sober enough to remember that...   
  
  
  
  
  
"Neal," she whispered. The two men looked at her. Thirty seconds later they were on their way to Neal's rooms to settle this once  
  
and for all...or so they thought.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Now despite Neal no longer was poor, (having just made out with Yuki) he was still depressed. The hungover crowd was thinning but  
  
it would be near impossible for him to leave unnoticed (as their hangovers were not so horrible). He debated climbing out the   
  
window but if he slipped (and it was slippery as it had been raining) it was a six story drop over a raging waterfall. Ouch was  
  
the word that sprung to mind when he heard that. So imagine his shock when something very large and heavy dropped on his head  
  
  
  
"Ouch," Kel stated as she saw Neal go limp and fall on the floor.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Serves him right for not giving me any hangover cure, the bastard," Dom replied.  
  
  
  
  
  
Numair wasn't paying any attention to the Neal abuse (poor Neal). He was looking everywhere for a book Neal didn't have to prevent  
  
the king from finding out what they were cooking. Unfortunately for them he already knew...or atleast thought he did...  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Lord Wyldon of Cavall was utterly utterly confused (poor sod). Though who'd blame him: he'd been summoned before the king-someone who the  
  
conventional knight (I think he's a knight) got on fairly well with. The king had said it was urgent, and Wyldon did not think this was a   
  
good urgent calling. But what choice did he have? He had been summoned so he had to go see him.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ah Wyldon, so good to see you. Have a seat." Jon's polite tone did nothing to reassure Wyldon.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Umm, yes Majesty," he said as he sat. "May I be so uh...bold as to ask why I am here...?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"Ah yes Wyldon, well I understand that you may be a little um...a little pressured by the um...growing um...female influence in court...  
  
so I wondered if...well to be perfectly frank I think you should have some time off working as a knight...I know how stressful it can be  
  
...you know...get the chance to get to know your...um feminine side....  
  
  
  
  
  
Wyldon's face went red. It was notoriously difficult to tell if he was blushing out of embarrassment or whether he was trying desperately   
  
trying not to laugh. In truth he was shocked. He...who would win the antifeminist prize of Tortall if there was one. Being told he had to  
  
get 'in touch with his feminist side.'  
  
  
  
  
  
"May I ask why you think I need some feminist guidance?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Jon looked uncomfortable, "Well you see I um..." now you see he was in a bit of a dilemma...he had to give a reasonable answer or else   
  
Wyldon would get suspicious but then he could hardly admit to Wyldon he had been sneaking around his rooms, "Well I found you...um taking   
  
an interest in well....cookery. So I took the liberty of asking Cook to give you a crash course in cookery. Naturally she agreed so, meet   
  
her this afternoon at 2:15. (AN: I'm not sure what sort of units of time they measure :) She expects you there on the dot."  
  
  
  
  
  
Then Wyldon was seized by a sudden thought. This thought turned towards the rather interesting cook book that he had found in Numair's room.  
  
He smiled, "Sire have you read any of Numair's books lately?" Just as he suspected Jon went pale.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Whatever are you talking about?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Wyldon became a lot bolder, "I think you were snooping around my rooms and found something that I uh...had in my keeping."  
  
  
  
  
  
Jon coolly arched one slightly greying eyebrow, "I haven't the slightest idea what you are talking about." And with that Wyldon exited the  
  
room.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Despite Neal is no longer officially 'poor' he was still feeling awful, and very very sorry for himself. He couldn't exactly remember what   
  
had happened; but his head hurt like hell. Always a clear indicator. What was it that Gandalf had said..."when in doubt always follow your  
  
head.' No nose. Well he could try that. The only problem was he wasn't exactly sure which hay his his nose was pointed. It was quite crooked  
  
from when Dom had hit him with the saucepan. He was also quite confused: why the hell did his cousin and his lover (who was also his best   
  
friend) knock him out with a saucepan or something. Now why was it he always got the most bad luck? And Yuki wasn't even here to 'comfort'  
  
him.   
  
  
  
  
  
At that moment Kel entered the room, looking very remorseful but it was evident she was trying-and failing miserably-to look grim. "Right um   
  
uhi Neal," Kel said, "How are you?" Neal just looked at her. Kel winced, maybe that wasn't exactly the most intelligent thing to say. But still  
  
atleast Neal's expression was funny when she said that. A very Neal-like expression.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Well I'm alive, but I suppose that's no thanks to you." Neal said sarcastically  
  
  
  
" Neal I am so so so sorry, but we think you stole our cookie book-cook book. Sorry, and well...it seemed a very good idea at the time."  
  
  
  
"You ramble when you're feeling guilty. It's funny, and what's all this about a cookie cook book?"  
  
  
  
"Oh damn! You mean....you mean you didn't steal our cook book?" Neal shook his head slowly. "But...but you're the only one who knew about the  
  
_plan_.  
  
  
  
"What plan?"  
  
  
  
"THE COOKIE PLAN YOU NUMBSKULL! The one you overheard Dom yelling about!"  
  
  
  
"Oh right. No I did know what plan, it's just funny to see you mad."  
  
  
  
"Thanks."   
  
  
  
"No problem. So who knows about the plan?"  
  
  
  
"You, me, Dom, Numair, possibly the whole of the palace or whoever found the cookbook."  
  
  
  
"Right." At that moment Dom entered. "Oh look it's my cousin whose sleeping with my best friend and knocked me out with a saucepan, making my   
  
nose be in a direction I can no-longer FOLLOW YOU BASTARD!!!!"  
  
  
  
"Neal CALM DOWN. And can't you heal your bloody nose. You're always going on that you're a 'healer'.  
  
  
  
"You're just jealous because I look better than you do even with my nose pointing in an odd direction!"  
  
  
  
"Atleast I could get a Tortallan to fall in love with me. They had to BLOODY IMPORT ONE FOR YOU TO MARRY!"  
  
.   
  
(All this time Kel was just standing there)  
  
  
  
At this point Neal got a bit tongue-tied. You see, he could not think of anything to say as that wold probably insult Kel. And insulting a very  
  
dangerous probably armed Knight. "Well atleast mine is actually beautiful." He hoped Kel could see the truth in a statement such as this. She   
  
did, Dom didn't.  
  
  
  
"DON'T YOU INSULT MY LADY KNIGHT!"  
  
  
  
"SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND! I'LL INSULT HER THE WAY I WANT!!"  
  
  
  
"SHUT UP THE BOTH OF YOU" Kel had drawn her sword and was brandishing it above their heads, but still scarily too close to comfort. "That's better!  
  
Right now as the only member of this company that is still in possession of a shred of sanity. I suggest we go down to the kitchens to try an see   
  
if we remember any of the recipe and try to make the cookies. We have all the ingredients, we'll be fine without the recipe."  
  
  
  
  
  
Dom and NEal eyed the sword still hovering above their heads. They smiled and nodded. "Dunno what's she's going on about her being the only one with  
  
sanity. IT's her sword she was waving above our heads," a disgruntled Dom muttered to his cousin.  
  
  
  
"What does that say for the mad-woman's boyfriend? If she's mad then surly he is too. Mind you then surly her best friend must be too."  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Wyldon was not having a good time. Not a happy bunny, but he wasn't a rabbit in any way. So I suppose he wouldn't be a happy bunny anyway. Well   
  
he wasn't a happy former training master. (AN: I'll stop rambling now). He was tired, he was hungry (as his food hadn't finished cooking yet)  
  
nd he was COVERED IN FLOUR!!! HE didn't like flour to begin with, nasty horrible stuff- and here he was literally covered with it. And when he  
  
tried to wash it off it turned into a sort of gluey thing. He should have known-when he was younger he used to love making paper mashé out of   
  
flour and water.  
  
  
  
So imagine his surprise and pleasure when Neal, Dom, Kel and Numair (who they'd found somewhere around the palace) entered the kitchen arguing   
  
about cookies, recipes and cookboks.  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
End AN: OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! In my defence I will say that my floppy disk broke and we didn't have another one to spare.  
  
So I couldn't get this from my computer to the main computer. (My computer doesn't have the internet). And now it is the last day before I go   
  
back to school after half term. And work on GCSE's and stuff. Yawn. And then I had so much school work to do. I am so sorry and th next chapter  
  
will definatly be up before Christmas. And no response to reviewers first of all because I couldn't see the reviews to repond to, and also   
  
because it was a vote ^_^  
  
  
  
By the way, if anyone's bored I have a story on fictionpress (true stories) about me making cookies...Maybe I should stop offering people who   
  
review cookies...It's called Cooking COokie Disaters...or is it Cookie Cooking Disasters....  
  
  
  
Anyway please review. They motivate me. Oh and yeah, the reason both Jon and Wyldon got the cookbook is because the vote was a tie. And it made  
  
it more interesting.  
  
-Charli ^_^ 


	5. In which there is FLUFF

AN: Welcome to the fifth chapter of Numair's Magic Cookies....I know the last chapter was verrrrrry bad but I kinda lost da plot....& forgot things that I said happenned in  
  
Chapter 3 (Neal climbing outta window). But I hope now this will get better....If anyone has any plot bunnies I will be soooooo grateful. Seriously. Now I have ideas & I   
  
hope this time I'll get more reviews than last time...But if I don't then this is not worth reviewing fine...I'm sorry :(   
  
And I can announce THERE IS FLUFF IN THIS CHAPTER!! (well I hope it's fluff, I've never really written fluff before)  
  
  
  
On a lighter note: REPLIES TO REVIEWERS & SACRED COOKIE HANDING OUT PART!!! These are replies to reviews from both chapters 3 & 4 as for chapter 4 I was on my laptop &   
  
couldn't see my reviews. So............  
  
  
  
Drowning Rooster: Yes cookies are fun....and the cookies I give out (as they are made by me & therefore are not safe) are gnerally not edible. As for Numair & Co.'s   
  
cookies you'll just have to read to find out ^_^ As for da other review...gd plot bunny...I will use it sometime if you don't mind... Cool screen name by da way ^_^  
  
  
  
CrAzYhOrSeGiRl88: Yes my writer block will probably make this very 'intersting'...and now (while I'm writing this) it is early November...I hope I'll be finished with  
  
this by Christmas and I will try very hard ^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
Griffingirl: Again very very good/useful idea that I am very thankful for...yes I'll prob use it...I just might modify it a bit ^_~ if you don't mind  
  
  
  
  
  
Kalor: When are you NOT difficult? But it's still an idea...thanks anyway (to anyone else reading this I do know Kalor I do not just say these things randomly to strangers...  
  
well maybe I do...BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!!   
  
  
  
: (you didn't leave me a name) Yes Wyldon would be very interesting stealing cook books...atleast I thought it was  
  
  
  
  
  
Paladin Dragon: _I_ stole the cookbook?? Thankyou for flattering me ^_^ Yes I agree Wlydon's a better thief than I am...  
  
  
  
  
  
mashpotatobunny: Thanks for liking chapter 3...poor Neal! Yes let's hope writer's block doesn't consume me (or pray desparatly in hopes of preventing the inevitible)   
  
I am updating...just not very fast :(  
  
  
  
  
  
Manders: Ooh....interesting...yes good idea...if I use it later on you won't sue me will you? And I won't ignore you because that would just be hyocritical ^_~  
  
  
  
  
  
Dragon: In this chapter we'll find out just HOW badly Numair cooks...and Daine will make an appearance  
  
  
  
  
  
: (you didn't leave me a name either) Jon or Yuki..or both of them together make good ickle thieves...  
  
  
  
  
  
Guardian Demon: Yes agreed this is definatly odd ^_^  
  
  
  
Palidin Dragon: It's ok....no one's waiting for you to review...well I like your reviews, they're cool & they make me feel all warm & fuzzy inside. And let's face it, this   
  
won't (probably but the fact I'm working on it is a good sign) be up before Christmas. And funny mental images are goooooood ^_^  
  
  
  
If anyone reviewed who isn't mentionned email me/yell abuse at me/flame me I DON'T CARE!!! But I'm very sorry if I left you off the list *pouts* Anyone who reviewed/voted  
  
still gets a cookie (an extra one because I'm sooo long updating-I'm starting to think Christmas looks too optimistic ^_^)  
  
  
  
  
  
SO HERE WE GO...CHAPTER 5: In which there is fluff  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
Wyldon looked around, totally satisfied (but mystified & not at all gratified to the king). 'Well well well...what have we here?' the former training master thought. Kel   
  
and the others tried as best they could to work despite Wyldon's ever growing curiosity. In the end, Numair had an idea that they all hated but loved at the same time.   
  
Ture it wasn't very practical, but then practicality was scarcely an issue when you consider what they are doing.  
  
  
  
  
  
But then Kel drew the line, "I AM NOT GOING TO DRINK THAT!!" she was eying the mysterious bottle Numair had had before (think back to chapter 3 before the cook book went  
  
missing). "I'VE BEEN SUSPICIOUS OF THAT BLOODY BOTTLE EVER SINCE I FIRST SAW IT! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I AM DRINKING THAT!!  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ah, but my dear," said Dom (who had already drunk some of the potion & was relishing its effects),"You forget, you're not in hell." Another one of the potion's effects  
  
caused Dom to literally force the bottle neck down his lady's throat (making her gag but that was the least of her worries).   
  
  
  
  
  
I suppose you are all madly wondering what the hell this potion is. Well, it isn't as bad as it could be. It simply causes you to lose all rational thoughts from entering  
  
your brain ie. this potion makies you lose your common sense. ((I am very fond of it & if you want I will give you some along with the cookies when you review)) ^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
Numair had obviously taken some of this potion in advance as he had completly forgotten an increasingly scared looking former training master. Now Wyldon was shocked. He  
  
knew Numair was not exactly sensible but this was beyond him. So he basically guessed what my favourite potion was. He only had to look at Kel, Dom & Numair to comfirm   
  
his suspicions.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I'm sure it said 5 griffin feathers Dom," Kel was saying as she mixed butter in with the Stormwing's blood while sitting on the flour covered sideboard swinging  
  
her legs against the cupboards. BANG BANG BANG her boots went as they connected with the wood. As they did not have the recipe they were making the cookies the only other  
  
way they could: from memory. Trouble was, their memory didn't seem to be all that good.   
  
  
  
  
  
"No no Kel m'dear, it was definatly 5 pounds of them."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Numair can you double all these feathers until we get 5 pounds," the potion didn't seem to be working on Kel that well.   
  
  
  
  
  
"Forget Numair dear," Dom whispered seductivly. Kel dropped her mixing bowl on the floor with no second glances. Then she lifted up her head so her lips met Dom's. Dom   
  
dropped his mixing bowl too, and the next thing that happened, Kel & Dom-both covered in flour, dodgy ingredients & water-were there kissing entirely passionatly. It   
  
was a rush Dom thought to be standing here doing something they could be executed for & just having a real, passionate kiss. A reward if you like for all the washing he  
  
would have to do to get rid of all this flour, dodgy ingredients & water.   
  
  
  
  
  
And Wyldon looked on. Of all the things he'd ever seen happen this was probably one of the most odd (shows you how little he gets up to if he finds ithis/i extreme)  
  
The conventional knight was not exactly comfortable in witnessing this situation (he believed these things belonged in the bedroom along with what he feared would come  
  
next.   
  
  
  
  
  
And Numair looked on, totally dispassionate. Well, slightly lonely. "I wonder what Daine is up to," he muttered before leaving in search of Daine.   
  
  
  
  
  
"I love you," murmered Kel during a small break in their kissing. She saw the love she felt staring right back to her in Dom's eyes (along with the potion's effects).   
  
"I'd almost forgotten why I love you. Oh but it's all been so hectic around here. And now," she ran her fingers through his hair, "It's normal, and we can be normal and  
  
love...like I love to. And," now she faded off breathlessly. Dom smiled down at her, blue eyes gazing warmly into her hazel green ones. 'There must be a million colours   
  
in her eyes' thought Dom. 'Thousands of millions, they're so beautiful. She's so beautiful.' And Kel lent her forhead against his, before turning slightly and kissing him  
  
again. MOther she loved him, more than she loved her brothers, her parents, her nieces her nephews. More than herself more than the world.   
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
  
  
So Numair went in search of Daine, who he loved and who he hoped loved him back. But what he found was not the Veralidaine Sarrasri he wanted to find. She looked up the   
  
moment he came into the room. It was not love he saw there, but grief & anger.   
  
  
  
  
  
"YOU BASTARD!! YOU...YOU ILL BEGOTTEN SON OF A STORMWING!!" she yelled. He could see the partially dried tears on her face.   
  
  
  
  
  
"What magelet?"   
  
  
  
  
  
"DON'T YOU CALL ME THAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO CALL ME ANYTHING EVER AGAIN. I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU! I DON'T EVEN WANT TO ilook/i at you!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"What have I done?" uh-oh, wrong thing to say.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well nothing I suppose," she said voice dripping with undisguised sarcasm, "Only gone and fallen in love with another woman & abandoned me, never giving a damn what I   
  
feel."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Daine, what on earth are you talking about?"  
  
  
  
  
  
"As if you don't know." When he looked blank Daine exploded, "Kel you idiot! You've been spending more & more time with that slut. And all this time I'm here all by myself  
  
to stew in my own worries. Well let me tell you something mister. You make me sick. For all I know you've gone & made a threesome with her & that sergeant lover of hers.   
  
And what, aren't I pretty enough, interesting enough, ibrave/i enough. Well let me tell you, I've done as much if not more than she has, and I'm evidently more   
  
intelligent 'cause I figured all of this out by myself. You think I wouldn't guess, that I wouldn't suspect. Going off to that place of hers to get igriffin feathers/i  
  
I'm not stupid you know, and I'm not putting up with this anymore!" With that she stormed out of the room. Well attempted to storm out at least.   
  
  
  
  
  
"You are not going anywhere until I've had my say!" Numair yelled uncharacteristicly. "I am NOT having a love affair with Kel or a threesome, I am...well if you must know.  
  
I...I found this recipe book & it had this cookie mixture in it," telling her this was almost as hard as it was embarrassig, "It...they had some teleportation thing on   
  
them, I thought it would mean that even when we were far apart we could...you know be together and stuff. Because I hate it when we're apart, it sucks to high heaven. And  
  
as for Kel, she is more interested in your average peach than me. And," he added quickly before Daine could go and ask if this was why he'd come to her now, "I find peaches  
  
...all peaches more sexy than her, but no peach-no fruit, no anything-is as sexy or beautiful or lovely as you."  
  
  
  
  
  
"Well..."Daine didn't look entirely convinced, "If this thing of yours involvong cookies really is true, can I help you make them? Just to see if you aren't lying?" In   
  
truth she didn't really believe him at all, but she wanted proof before she accused him again.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Ofcourse...but uh," then he whispered, "You can't tell anyone. Least of all Jon. He'd kill me!!"  
  
  
  
  
  
"I love secrets, I won't tell." And then she put her arms around him & kissed him. Then she drew the curtains & pulled him onto the bed. Truly happy for the first time   
  
since before the cookies. In a burst of pre-midwinter festival good feelings she forgave him. Although she wouldn't believe the cookie plan entirely until she saw it  
  
...but Numair didn't have to know that ^_^  
  
  
  
  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Ahh, the long awaited fluff...and a bit of unaccounted for angst and drama. I didn't intend this it just happened. Don't hit me. I hope this chapter is better than   
  
the last one (although sometimes I fear this just gets worse & worse as it goes on). And it isn't Christmas, I have made my self set deadline. Just, as it is Christmas  
  
Eve day after tomorrow and it is 10pm. But This is done, and it might mot be done particularly well but it is done none the less.   
  
  
  
Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas and all the pressies they want & a very Happy New Year too.   
  
-Charli  
  
  
  
PS: If anyone has any plot bunnies/suggestions please don't hesitate to share them. Sharers will get either nonsense potion (as it has been dubbed) or a cookie depending  
  
on what I feel like or what they say want.   
  
  
  
PPS: I hope to get chapter 6 up by late february  
  
  
  
Merry Christmas 


End file.
